Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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