Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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