Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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