Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
