If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
