Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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