nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
