I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
