its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
