hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
