I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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