So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
