Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
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He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
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Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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