Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
