considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
