Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I believe in your delicious
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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