Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
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