I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize