i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
