dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
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I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
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You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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