I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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