She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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