so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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