Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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