when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
