You made me cry and you don't even care
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
