That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
