It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
