She's JV to your varsity
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
