Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
