i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
