is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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