What did we do last night that was yellow?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
