Buhtt sex?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
