I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
