i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
