You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
