so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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