i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
