Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
