i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
