I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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