So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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