You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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