So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
