Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
