Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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