I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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