I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
