he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
