we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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