What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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