Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize