It's a beautiful day for a hangover
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
