i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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