Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
