I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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