no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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