Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Randomize
