I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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