The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
