i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You ruined the universe
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
