he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
