The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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