How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
