Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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