Your dad touched me again.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
