A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
