But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
