Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
