I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
