ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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