Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
